2015 Review

Two- thousand-and-fifteen was a year where I learned a lot about myself.

I learned who I want to be and it is not a carbon copy of someone else; low self confidence and social anxiety for nearly all my life lead to the belief that I could never be valued for my self, so I unconsciously copied styles and character traits of the people that I felt were accepted and celebrated, while burying the ‘real me’ in a deep dark hole.

The kick in the ass that got me out of this vicious cycle, was when a very close friend suddenly and completely cut all contact with me. (It seems to me now that she used me to get her through university,  and once she finished she no longer had any use for me). I had to re-evaluate  my life and work out who I wanted to be.

Friendship should not be conditional

The thing is you should be able to make mistakes without your friends abandoning you.

You should be able to have disagreements with your friends and be able to accept that you have different views.

So I started making plans and started achieving things for my own sake not anyone else’s.

I started taking my photography more seriously; experimenting with film photography, documentation photography, and buying a more professional digital camera.

cropped-dscf60021.jpgcropped-cropped-dsc00024.jpg

 I also was accepted for a three month artist residency other the summer, where I was able to freely explore the concepts of my art practice outside of the umbrella of education. This really improved the way I presented my art and talked about.

Art Residency Outcomes

My religious studies in Hellenic Polytheism and Druidism was also something I wanted to approve, and it has lead me to writing original religious poetry.

I started two YouTube channel one featuring personal vlogs and the other topic led videos with me sharing my research and opinions.

Topic Led Channel

Vlog Channel

Which have helped me combat my low self confidence and anxiety also I find it freeing to be speaking to the camera.

Going back to university in October was daunting, as while I knew people none of them were friends. There was no need to worry however as everyone was as nice as I remember, receiving compliments on my residency work and poetry helped.

I spend most of November and December either doing university work, meeting up with old friends, or obsessing over bullet journal posts on Instagram and Tumblr.

The new year began with me beginning a bullet journal my self and planning 2016, starting a Epic Poem for university, and taking part in the 2016 Grimoire Challenge

Bullet Journal Preparation 

I also filmed a video where I took about the top ten things I learned in 2015, so please check it out.

 

YouTube Channel

I have just started a YouTube channel  where I plan to talk about my art, writing, poetry, being a Hellenic polytheist, being a vegan, fashion, tattoos and piercings; basically everything I am interested in.

There is only one video up on there now about my art practice but I plan to upload a video every week on different subjects and run a vlog about my life as well.

So yeah please subscribe if you are interested in anything I mentioned above.

Trains/ Travelling

Train journeys are such marvellous things, there is a touch of the ‘old-ways’ about them, even though technically they are not that old.

I went to a new train station today, it was almost walled with wild lavender. Of course something was broken and/or being fixed (as everything is these days) so my stepfather had to show me the long way round to the platform.

I get unsure if I am right when alone; it is as if all my doubts seize the moment and attack me all at once.

Seizing what little courage I had, I reaffirmed with the nearest stranger that I was in the right place to catch the right train.

Once my train arrived I did my usual thing of finding the most vacant spot I can as dealing with too many people at once leaves me tired and irritable, especially strangers.

I could see out of the train window, wild lavender following the track. How beautiful the purple and blue looked against the green and brown of the earth.

The rhythmic movement of the train makes it hard for me to write. It makes me wander how people used to live on trains like the Orient Express for months at a time; most of them being writers and artists travelling Europe, they would have been writing and drawing with the trains being more jerky in movement.

Pro-active Procrastination

Living in a weird bubble lately where I am doing everything but the most important stuff; reading fan-fiction, writing fiction, drawing, moving my bedroom around, and playing with my dog.

Good news is that every-thing I mentioned above is basically on track, but my essay (its half done) and sketchbooks (the things that are actually going to be marked) are only half way finished.

It doesn’t help that I haven’t been to my studio for a week due to Easter and thinking that I would take the time to finish my essay. So yeah behind in all things concerning my Masters degree right now.

MA Creative Practice 1- ‘Pecha Kucha’ Thought Experiment

For my second Creative Practice lesson we started a ‘Thought Experiment’ which is based on the Pecha Kucha presentation style.

Using the book ‘101 Experiments in the Philosophy of Everyday Life,’ by Roger-Pol Droit our tutor selected random experiments and placed them in plain brown and white envelopes with the title ‘thought experiment’ placed on the front in different computer fonts.

Telling us to slowly walk around the table where the envelopes were placed we slowly picked an envelope and returned to our seat.

We found individual experiments inside the envelopes with tasks we now have to research and show our findings in a presentation in six weeks time.

My experiment is: Enter the space of a painting.

MA Creative Practice 1 – Poem workshop

For my first Creative Practice lesson on MA degree, we were taught by poet and writer Catriona Ryan who completed a writing experiment with us.

Our first exercise was to write with our left hand(as it is suppose to be your more creative side) with out thinking, something alike the Dada and Surrealist poetry movement of automatic writing. Below is the results of this exercise:

Time gathers and fucks with matter,

Tonight hedge grows,

Love suppresses life,

Comments become strained,

Together reunited as one,

Doom becomes all.

Weird coincidences are not,

Reality is blue,

Becoming whole is near,

Existence goes ever on,

Travelling through time,

Clowns may frighten,

But flowers still grow.

To you I am invisible,

It serves me well,

Tomorrow you may run.

The next exercise was to write down our own descriptive words or sentences to do with the moon, once finished we were asked to tear the words off the page and as a group through all our words on the floor. Using all the words we constructed sentences that still had relevance to the moon, below are my results:

Bright cavern,

Relaxing dipped movement,

High patterned space,

Cold sharp coin,

Open dark portal,

Allusive silver female,

Soundless dark man,

Rough oceans echo,

Alone sky female.

The last exercise was to make a poem out of both of the previous exercises, below is my result:

Time gathers and fucks with matter,

With open dark portals,

Weird coincidences, are not.

The allusive female,

The soundless dark man,

Love suppresses life,

Together united as one,

Becoming whole is near,

Doom becomes all.

To you I am invisible,

The rough oceans echo,

Tomorrow you may run,

Existence goes ever on,

Comments become strained.

Cold sharp coin,

High patterned space,

The alone sky female,

Reality is blue.

Art Installation help!

Hi guys, I am starting a project on the abstract personifications in Greek mythology and would love your help!

Starting with Hypnos the Greek God, I would like for people to send me a photo of their unmade bed after they have awake, and if willing tell me about the dream they had or dreams they have for the future. If you can’t remember or do not want to it doesn’t matter you can still send me a picture.

I would also like your first name and the country you are from for display purposes.

I will be displaying the results at the end of the year in a installation space and will also produce a book, which I will link you all too.

You can submit your picture and info on my tumblr balladblood or email me at balladblood@aol.com

Thanks for your time and all the best.

(Source: balladblood)